On Sunday, January 8, my mother left this world and went home to glory. While my mother had been battling lymphoma off and on for 5 years, she was not terminal and her loss was not expected. She was feeling sick during the month of December but didn’t want to go to the doctor. Christmas was always one of her favorite times of the year and looking back, she probably didn’t want to mess anyone’s holiday up by ending up in the hospital. That was her, always focused on her family and wanting to make everything extra special.
We are still waiting on the official cause of death but basically, it was the “perfect storm” of mess, leaving the doctors somewhat baffled and unable to determine exactly what was going on. In the end, the doctor said they tested the fluid that was filling her body around her lungs and it tested positive for high levels of lymphoma. That, combined with whatever infection or virus she was fighting and the fact that she was down to 95lbs, they didn’t think she had enough strength to recover. She hadn’t been able to communicate with us for days. She was experiencing delirium. It was a horrible thing to watch happen to a once vibrant woman, so full of life. On Sunday morning, January 8, they told us that there was nothing more that could be done. We had to make the difficult decision to take her off compressed oxygen and stop her BP meds. Those 2 things, apparently, had been all that was keeping her alive for days.
When my father passed away in 2019, it was expected. He was given a terminal diagnosis in May 2018 with the expectation that he would likely live for 12 months. During that time, I grieved while he was still here. I had a full 13 months to process his death before it happened. We spent time the last couple of months planning his service and getting things in order. When the call came, it was sad but also joyful. He was no longer suffering and he was at home in heaven. Honestly, I spent more time laughing and celebrating my dad at his memorial service than I did crying. I had already cried for over a year.
With my mama, it is a completely different story. This was totally unexpected. She was set to be released from the hospital on January 2, after a 5 day stay. However, instead of coming home on the 2nd, she was sent from a regular hospital room to ICU. And every day she got worse. And a week later, she was gone.
Her memorial service is scheduled for January 20, the day this blog post will be posted. I’m still trying to process her death. Sometimes I forget when I wake up and want to text her. Even during the day, something will happen and for a second I forget she is gone and reach for my phone. I suppose this will go on for a while. I know it did with my dad too, even though his passing was expected. Now my sister and I are orphans. Thankfully, we still have my grandmother, who is 101. But we have no parents and my children have no grandparents. That is one of the things that hurts the most, that my 6 and 9 year old children will grow up without sleepovers, vacations, lunch dates, shopping trips etc. with my parents. If you still have one or both parents, treasure your time together. Mend fences. Love them.
Besides my friends checking in on me, sending cards & gifts and bringing meals, I have found it very helpful over the past 2 weeks to listen to Christian music and read comforting scripture. My pastor, his wife and my Bible study leader have also been such a blessing. Having a support system is so helpful when you are navigating the death of a loved one.
WHY GOD? WHY?
I have been having an internal struggle for the past couple of weeks. I prayed for healing for my mom and I fully believed that the Lord would heal her. But that’s not what happened. Just yesterday, I found out that a man that we have been praying for at church, who was on a ventilator and close to death, miraculously woke up and got off the vent and is on his way to recovery. The healing prayers worked for him. Why not my mother? I have no answers for that other than a passage from Psalm 139.
“When you were putting me together there, your eyes saw my body even before it was formed. You planned how many days I would live. You wrote down the number of them in your book before I had lived through even one of them.”
My mothers death came as a surprise to me, but not to God. He knew. He numbered her days before conception. Sometimes it can be very difficult to humble ourselves to God’s Will. However, if we are believers, we rejoice in the fact that we will reunite with our loved ones one day. Hallelujah!
HOW SCRIPTURE CAN HELP YOU WHILE YOU ARE GRIEVING
If faith is a part of your life, relying on the timeless wisdom in the Bible can significantly help with the healing process. Bible verses can help is make sense of a tragedy and ultimately, help to heal. Highlighting encouraging verses, discussing comforting Scripture with loved ones or attending church, can be a healthy way of mourning. The following selection of Bible verses below may be a comfort to you as you navigate loss. I know they have been for me. If you find that you are struggling to cope with the loss in your life, I encourage you to seek help from your Pastor or a Christian counselor.
SCRIPTURE FOR THOSE IN MOURNING
Revelation 21:4
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
Psalm 34:18
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
2 Corinthians 4:17-18
For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 5:8
We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.
Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
1 Thessalonians 4:13-14
Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.
Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
John 16:22
Therefore you too have grief now; but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you.
Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.
John 14:1-2
Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?
Romans 8:18
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
